What's Up #5: Rambley, Slightly Ranty, Just Keppin it Real

Today is the day I ramble! Well technically, tonight is the night I ramble, I spent most of the day hunting down information for my research proposal for my application for my Masters' program and I've gotten nowhere. What country doesn't research depression and suicide within their own population? Two days of searching for resources and I have found no local statistics...(-__-)" FAIL!
Sometimes I feel as though I'll end up going crazy because I chose the path of psychology and for research I always seem to choose the one area that has the least amount of local and regional research, so that should be a fun thesis to do. 

How has everyone been? I know I'll probably never get a response to that question but hey it's polite to ask. It's been a pretty gnarly week for me. I finally got around to applying for my MPhil in Psychology (hoping and praying I get accepted) but I still have some things to finish for my application before I start reaching for that. The university that I'm applying to here, University of the West Indies, has been in the news as of late. Seems that the professors haven't been given their back-pay so they're withholding students grades, during the registration period, and as I type this classes for those students start on Monday. Fail!

I know my blog is usually a space filled with positivity and happiness but I can't lie when I say that this week, I really wasn't feeling the happiness and positivity. From the terrorists attacks in Paris, to the massacre in Nigeria by the Boko Haram and let's not mention in Trinidad the murder toll is at 18 I believe...Happy New Year I think not! (Rest in Peace to all the victims of these tragedies.)

Sometimes I wonder, what goes through the mind of a person who can willing kill another but then again do I really want to know? It's questions like this that plague me, especially since my end goal is to become a Forensic Psychologist. I'm going to at some point in time interact with killers, kidnappers, rapists even pedophiles, and despite the fact that I am curious as to what goes on in these individual's minds, I'm terrified as to what I would discover. 
Sometime I wonder whether or not I'm mentally strong enough to handle becoming a psychologist and I hate doubting my abilities and my strength but at the end of the day I have to otherwise what's the point of continuing along this path if I'm unable to deal with the responsibilities that it presents me. It's all about baby step I guess, growing a little bit stronger and a little bit more confident everyday. It's about not giving up and remembering why I chose this path in the first place.

I'm not usually one to put my self doubt out in the open, but this felt good. I've always buried all my negative feelings until I implode but putting them out in the open, takes a small amount of weight off. I'm going to try and not make it a happen of putting out my fears and doubts on here because I really do want this to be a place of positivity, but I think a post like this makes me a feel a little more human. It's strange to say, but yeah that's how I feel.